Every year, the Brighton Festival brings the best of art, dance, music and theatre to town. The highlight for me has definitely been yesterday's concert by notorious thrash-metal band Shit In My Face. I've been a huge fan of SIMF since their debut album, It's not rape if you can't see her face" stormed into the top 10 in 2003. I got a call from the show's organisers yesterday morning, they were in a right tizzy because their shipment of hamsters had turned up dead, which was obviously no good for SIMF's performance. They needed a fresh supply, and pronto, so naturally they came to me. In exchange for 50 of my ripest rodents, I wangled front-row seats and a backstage pass. The show ROCKED, the band were on fire and so were my hamsters, the sizzle of burning fur wafting across the crowd, the hamster's squealing in harmony with the guitars. Afterwards. I went backstage and met the band. The lead singer, Johnny Cumstain, took quite a shine to me and took me back to his trailer to help him remove some of the hamsters from earlier. He told me that my little critters were the best he'd ever worked with and wanted me to be his regular supplier. Once business was sorted we got down to some hardcore groupie sex. I'll say one thing about the Shit In My Face boys, they certainly live up to their name. What a night.