Big Fat Rat's Photos

I have now gone through the entire spectrum of my wardrobe in bird impressions. (Doesn't say much for my taste in clothes, does it?) I can flap all I want, and wear a cardboard beak, but in the end I'm still just some berk standing on a chair. I'm not going anywhere! Ha, ha.

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The world, I feel, needs more blanket-assisted bird impressions. I think I'm a flamingo today, or possibly some kind of crane. E come la civetta È uccello sanguinario Il suo cibo ordinario È il cuore. Mangia il cuore! Per questo io non ne ho più. --Puccini, La Bohème (Man, I'm such a dope--I took about 10 frames of this one before realising I'd forgotten to wear my beak. Can't have a bird without a beak!)

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Look at me! I'm a seagull! (The pose isn't QUITE what I'd had in mind--I wanted to be about an inch to the right--but this shot was unbelievably hard to get, in any form at all. You try standing on one foot and flapping a sheet about, while holding your head as still as possible. It's not as easy as you'd think. I even fell off the chair completely a couple of times. Ha, ha.)

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What can I say? "Flap, flap, flap!" That about sums it up, eh?

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You know what's been raising my brows, just lately? Family restaurant commercials that have popular Italian arias in the background. They always pick ones like La donna è mobile, which don't have much to do with wholesome family values. (La donna è mobile is a song about the fickleness of women, being sung by a married man who's about to cheat on his wife for, oh, maybe the thousandth time. Another popular commercial jingle is Libiamo ne' lieti calici, which is a nice little exchange between a Parisian courtesan and her admirer.) Now, don't get me wrong--I have no objection to these songs. I love Italian opera. But I do have to wonder if the restaurants using these songs have ANY idea what's accompanying their softly-lit images of happy spaghetti-sucking children and their doting parents. Do they listen to the lyrics, or just throw in something familiar and Italian? Anyhow, this is me lurking under the table in just such a restaurant. I am going to sing a naughty song, steal some food, and maybe stab someone.

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These are my big, creepy hands. And this is me, watching "Law and Order." What a hoser. Do I have nothing better to do with my time? Apparently not. (It could also be a picture of a crazy lady who has been imprisoned in a tower for 20 years, and is about to pull a knife out from under her blanket and STAB YOU! But probably, it's me watching TV.)

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It says "light bondage," and there's a figure tied to a light. Ha, ha. Get it? I'M SO FUNNY! (Well, I think so. Sometimes. When I'm feeling confident.)

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It says "light bondage," and there's a figure tied to a light. Ha, ha. Get it? I'M SO FUNNY! (Well, I think so. Sometimes. When I'm feeling confident.)

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It says "light bondage," and there's a figure tied to a light. Ha, ha. Get it? I'M SO FUNNY! (Well, I think so. Sometimes. When I'm feeling confident.)

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This is me pretending I'm at the beach. Don't I look a fool with my great yellow parasol, and my cheesy comic book? (I did the cover for that book, by the way--"Fleshrot #1". I also did a 10-page story, inside. The story was called "The Restless Season." It was about a rat.)

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...I tried to explain about the dog dirt, and the elevator men, and the gum on my shoe, but that just earned me another strange look.

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He asked me to sharpen his pencil, which request I misunderstood completely. Well, that was embarrassing.

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I guess I didn't get the job. And I looked so smart, and all. Ah, well. Maybe next time.

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